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My Love Story

If you have read “My First Love Story” about my parents, then you know the impression it made on me and subsequently, my love life. I was obsessed with finding my own great love. Between my parents’ love story and every fairy tale or romantic comedy out there, I assumed it would be easy. I wanted that magical story and I was going to do whatever it took to get it, even if that meant forcing it. I fell in love fast and thought that by being the “perfect” girlfriend they would have to love me back. The problem was that I was so focused on creating the perfect love story that I lost who I was along the way. When I met Zach, I was still lost and my past relationship trauma was boiling under the surface ready to explode at the next trigger. What started out as my magical love story ended up being far more complicated and life-changing than I ever could have imagined. Our love story is not perfect, but sometimes you don’t need perfect. Sometimes you just need real, hard love. The kind worth fighting for every day. I hope you enjoy.

December 6, 2013, I went to visit my sister, Vicky, at college. We decided to make some gingerbread cookies (specifically gingerbread boyfriends.) Both single at the time, we thought we would manifest into the universe what we wanted. We had a lot of fun with it and may or may not have gotten a little inappropriate with their body parts. I had read somewhere that if you made a gingerbread boyfriend and didn’t eat it, he would come into your life. It was one of those articles forced on women during the holidays to make them feel better about not having someone special in their life. I’m not saying that I believed in it, but I also took my gingerbread boyfriend home with me that night uneaten.

Two days later I arrived at my friend, Rebecca’s, apartment in Brooklyn to film a YouTube web series episode for The Motel Staff. It was a comedic take on those cheesy Lifetime Christmas movies that I love so much. Rebecca had suggested me as another actress for the episode, so I hadn’t met the two guys in charge of The Motel Staff yet (Zach & Alex). I was chatting with Rebecca before anyone else got there and asked her if she knew any single guys she could introduce me to. She said she didn’t but that the two Motel Staff guys were single and maybe I would hit it off with one of them. With that thought planted in my head I waited eagerly for them to arrive. When they walked in Alex introduced himself first, definitely a handsome guy but not really my type. Then came Zach. I shook his hand and in my head I said, “this one”.

The shoot went all day. It was super fun. I tried to stay professional and not openly flirt with Zach, but I did make sure to talk to him as much as possible. Once my part had been filmed, I made excuses to stay longer to get more time in. I stayed so long that Rebecca’s husband, Michael said, “Liz, why are you still here?”, totally blowing up my spot. Trying to save face I offered to drive Alex, Zach, and their friend Ayaka back to Queens since they had all of their equipment and the train would take forever. My hope was that Zach would sit up front so we could talk more, but that was quickly squelched when not only did he sit in the back seat, but he was the first to be dropped off. Defeated, I dropped Alex and Ayaka off and started my drive back to New Jersey.

On the drive home, I called Vicky to tell her about Zach. My last idea was to email the guys when I got back to thank them for having me in their episode. I would put my phone number on the bottom and if Zach was interested maybe he would text me. An hour later, I opened my email ready to start typing and there in my inbox was a message from Zach. He asked if I’d like to get a drink or dinner some time. Apparently, we both had the same idea. Of course I immediately responded “Yes”. We set a date for that Friday, December 13^th. We spent the entire week talking on the phone every night, all night, until the date finally came. We went out to dinner and when we were leaving it starting snowing. We shared our first kiss under the snowflakes. He was my ginger (bread) boyfriend come to life.

The weeks that proceeded our first date were just as magical. We went ice skating in Bryant Park. Zach spent Christmas with my family in New Jersey. Then on New Year’s Eve he asked me to officially be his girlfriend. Sure, right now you are thinking to yourself, this is a Hallmark Christmas movie. It is too good to be true. You would be right. It was too good to be true. We both were caught up in the magic of the holidays. But there is a reason those movies don’t show what happens after the holiday magic is gone and the real world sets in. Once it was a Facebook official relationship it seemed like things started to take a turn. Since I was living in New Jersey with my parents at the time, Zach and I could only see each other on the weekends. Although only an hour apart, we really started to feel that distance. We went from seeing each other every weekend to every other weekend, to one day a weekend. You see where this is going.

My past relationship trauma of trust issues, the fear of losing someone, and not feeling wanted started to seep in. I started to become needy and the more needy I became, the more Zach pulled away. I knew I was losing him. It was a terrible feeling. The first time we broke up was on Valentine’s Day. Any other day of the year would have been bad, but this was the worst. We had moved too fast. We both had issues that we hadn’t addressed within ourselves and until we did, we wouldn’t know what we truly wanted. Of course, we didn’t come to that realization for a whole year and a half. A year and a half of breaking up and getting back together, of cheating, lying, dating other people, fighting, crying, all the bad and not much of the good.

I had been going to therapy on my own after the first few times we broke up. It helped me find who I was outside of relationships and learn how I needed to be loved, not only by someone else but by myself. Zach and I had just broken up again and I told my therapist this was the last time. God bless her, she didn’t laugh in my face. But she did say that if that was true then I needed to stay strong with that decision. And that if Zach came back again, I would tell him that if he wants to be with me, he has to go to therapy or let me go. I did just that and Zach agreed to therapy. We started doing couples therapy that week. Was it easy? No. Was our relationship magically fixed? No. We had a long road ahead of us. We had to both want the relationship and work at it every day. That was a huge turning point for us. We put in the work and we came out of it stronger than ever before.

That wasn’t the happy ending. It was a new beginning. The true beginning of our relationship. What followed were some really wonderful years. We moved in together. We shared lots of memorable moments. We made a life together. We fell in love for real and discovered that we were best friends. But there was still one cloud hanging over our heads. Early on in our relationship Zach had made it clear that he didn’t want to get married or have children, and I made it clear that I did. With everything else we had gotten through together I think we both were hoping the other would eventually change their mind. The truth is we were happy. Don’t rock the boat, right? Well with my 30^th birthday approaching I needed to know if things had changed. I still wanted to get married and have a family some day and I couldn’t hold out that many more years if Zach didn’t want the same things. So I rocked the boat and the answer wasn’t what I hoped for. He still didn’t want them. I was faced with a decision; Do I stay and not get what I want? Do I give him an ultimatum? Or do I leave and hope we both get what we want?

So I left. It was the hardest decision I ever made. Zach and I cried together for hours, until I couldn’t anymore. I packed a couple of small bags up and my sister picked me up to take me home to my parents’ house. Leaving someone you love is extremely difficult especially when it is only because you want them to be happy. Now you’re reading this thinking “wait a second, didn’t you guys just get married?”. You would be right. We did. That one week apart from each other changed everything. Zach realized that fear was holding him back. He did want the same things, but he was scared. The thought of losing me forever changed that for him. We were engaged a few months later. Then on September 25, 2020, we got to celebrate our long-fought-for love in front of our family and friends. People who knew the struggles that we faced to get to this point and people who didn’t, listening to our honest, emotional vows to each other promising forever. Truly the best day of my life.

If I can hope to inspire anything from this love story it is to never give up on love. Your love story is right around the corner. It might not be perfect, but the right love never really is. It is messy, it is hard, and it is completely worth it. I would choose Zach over and over again, because I think I knew from the moment I met him that he was the one.

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My First Love Story

I have always been drawn to a good love story. I read all the romance novels. I watch all the romance movies (even the cheesy ones). I’m always the first person to ask how a couple met because I genuinely want to know. Love stories fascinate me. They make my heart happy and feed the romantic in me. Which brings me to this story – the first love story I ever heard – my parents’ story. I may be slightly biased but their story is magical and a true example of what is meant to be will be.

So without further ado, here is their love story.

Richard was a New York City boy. Carolyn was a South Jersey girl. A seven year age difference and living in two different worlds, no one would have guessed their paths would cross. But they did on July 19th, 1980. It was at the wedding of Rich’s college buddy (and Carolyn’s older brother) Jim, to his lovely bride Christiane. Weddings are a perfect place to catch the eye of someone new. Which is exactly what Carolyn did to Rich on the dance floor. A dance that could have been the start of something was quickly broken up when they were pulled off of each other, and Rich was told to back off of Jim’s little sister. He had no idea who he had been dancing with or that she was only 17 years old. The spark that had appeared for one brief moment had now been doused. As the wedding came to an end, they both went their separate ways most likely to never see each other again.

Five years later…

Carolyn was out with her girlfriends on a random Friday night in Philadelphia. They were walking down South Street and saw a sign for psychic readings at Pizzeria Uno. The readings were only $5 with a purchase of an individual pizza. WHAT A DEAL! At least that’s what they thought as they waited inside. Carolyn was a bit of a skeptic when it came to readings. They were fun but they always seemed like a bunch of baloney. She didn’t really have high hopes for “Anna” the Pizzeria Uno psychic. But Anna was not your run-of-the-mill psychic. Noticing Carolyn’s demeanor of skepticism as she sat down to start, Anna decided to flex her abilities by telling Carolyn things no stranger would know. She tells her that she has a big event coming up, to which Carolyn nods not wanting to give any more than she has to. Anna continues, “You are going to be late. It is beyond your control so don’t get upset. Once you get there you will be seated at a table. At some point your attention will be drawn to the door. Someone from your past is going to walk in. When you see him you will smile and wave. He will wave back. That is the man you are going to marry”. Carolyn leaves slightly weirded out and unsure what to make of what Anna said. Her and her friends talk about it afterward and just laugh it off. There’s no way this woman was legit.

A couple weeks later, Carolyn is in the car with her parents on their way to her nephew Michael’s baptism. On the way, their car breaks down and they end up missing the church ceremony. They make it in time for the reception and sit down to enjoy the festivities. Not knowing why, Carolyn looks up at the door as two men walk in. She knows both of them as her brother’s friends, Bill & Rich. She smiles at them and waves. Rich waves back. He walks over and they start talking. He tells her the story of why he was late. Apparently Bill was an hour late to pick him up. Bill’s excuse was that his alarm didn’t go off because of daylight savings time. The problem is the hours “fall back” this time of year not forward, so really he was two hours late. The reason didn’t matter, all that mattered was that the delay made them walk in at exactly the right time. No one seemed to mind that Rich was talking to Jim’s younger sister now. If anything, some family members kept pushing them closer together. They spend the whole party together talking and getting to know one another more. When it is time to say goodbye, they exchange phone numbers and make plans to go on a date the next week.

After waiting five years to see her again, Rich wastes no time locking Carolyn down. Within a month he buys her a pre-engagement ring, a blue topaz (her birthstone), while visiting his brother for Thanksgiving. Then a few months later on February 2nd, 1986, he asks her to marry him with the ring tied to a bouquet of roses. When you ask him why he proposed within such a short period of time Richard says, “When you know, you know. I knew I wanted to get married and I knew I wanted to marry her”. And he did marry her on May 31st, 1987.

Now it is 33 years, 2 daughters, and a lot of life later. Although their relationship has changed over the years, the strong foundation of love still remains. There have been good times and bad, but through it all they have always chosen each other.

This was the love story that made me LOVE love. It is the story that I have looked up to. It is the type of love that I have always wanted to find for myself (that’s a story for another day). In my opinion, it is all the proof you need that great love exists.

Richard, a romantic himself, has always loved to write about his love for Carolyn and continues to do so to this day. Whether with a poem or a Facebook post (he’s adapted with the times), he enjoys sharing his feelings with the world.

I will leave you with something he wrote for Carolyn on their 30th Wedding anniversary.

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. Laughter seems part of daily life. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. You open your heart and you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting, and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is knowing that they are a part of your life. To my love, Richard”.

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