If you have read “My First Love Story” about my parents, then you know the impression it made on me and subsequently, my love life. I was obsessed with finding my own great love. Between my parents’ love story and every fairy tale or romantic comedy out there, I assumed it would be easy. I wanted that magical story and I was going to do whatever it took to get it, even if that meant forcing it. I fell in love fast and thought that by being the “perfect” girlfriend they would have to love me back. The problem was that I was so focused on creating the perfect love story that I lost who I was along the way. When I met Zach, I was still lost and my past relationship trauma was boiling under the surface ready to explode at the next trigger. What started out as my magical love story ended up being far more complicated and life-changing than I ever could have imagined. Our love story is not perfect, but sometimes you don’t need perfect. Sometimes you just need real, hard love. The kind worth fighting for every day. I hope you enjoy.
December 6, 2013, I went to visit my sister, Vicky, at college. We decided to make some gingerbread cookies (specifically gingerbread boyfriends.) Both single at the time, we thought we would manifest into the universe what we wanted. We had a lot of fun with it and may or may not have gotten a little inappropriate with their body parts. I had read somewhere that if you made a gingerbread boyfriend and didn’t eat it, he would come into your life. It was one of those articles forced on women during the holidays to make them feel better about not having someone special in their life. I’m not saying that I believed in it, but I also took my gingerbread boyfriend home with me that night uneaten.
Two days later I arrived at my friend, Rebecca’s, apartment in Brooklyn to film a YouTube web series episode for The Motel Staff. It was a comedic take on those cheesy Lifetime Christmas movies that I love so much. Rebecca had suggested me as another actress for the episode, so I hadn’t met the two guys in charge of The Motel Staff yet (Zach & Alex). I was chatting with Rebecca before anyone else got there and asked her if she knew any single guys she could introduce me to. She said she didn’t but that the two Motel Staff guys were single and maybe I would hit it off with one of them. With that thought planted in my head I waited eagerly for them to arrive. When they walked in Alex introduced himself first, definitely a handsome guy but not really my type. Then came Zach. I shook his hand and in my head I said, “this one”.
The shoot went all day. It was super fun. I tried to stay professional and not openly flirt with Zach, but I did make sure to talk to him as much as possible. Once my part had been filmed, I made excuses to stay longer to get more time in. I stayed so long that Rebecca’s husband, Michael said, “Liz, why are you still here?”, totally blowing up my spot. Trying to save face I offered to drive Alex, Zach, and their friend Ayaka back to Queens since they had all of their equipment and the train would take forever. My hope was that Zach would sit up front so we could talk more, but that was quickly squelched when not only did he sit in the back seat, but he was the first to be dropped off. Defeated, I dropped Alex and Ayaka off and started my drive back to New Jersey.
On the drive home, I called Vicky to tell her about Zach. My last idea was to email the guys when I got back to thank them for having me in their episode. I would put my phone number on the bottom and if Zach was interested maybe he would text me. An hour later, I opened my email ready to start typing and there in my inbox was a message from Zach. He asked if I’d like to get a drink or dinner some time. Apparently, we both had the same idea. Of course I immediately responded “Yes”. We set a date for that Friday, December 13th. We spent the entire week talking on the phone every night, all night, until the date finally came. We went out to dinner and when we were leaving it starting snowing. We shared our first kiss under the snowflakes. He was my ginger (bread) boyfriend come to life.
The weeks that proceeded our first date were just as magical. We went ice skating in Bryant Park. Zach spent Christmas with my family in New Jersey. Then on New Year’s Eve he asked me to officially be his girlfriend. Sure, right now you are thinking to yourself, this is a Hallmark Christmas movie. It is too good to be true. You would be right. It was too good to be true. We both were caught up in the magic of the holidays. But there is a reason those movies don’t show what happens after the holiday magic is gone and the real world sets in. Once it was a Facebook official relationship it seemed like things started to take a turn. Since I was living in New Jersey with my parents at the time, Zach and I could only see each other on the weekends. Although only an hour apart, we really started to feel that distance. We went from seeing each other every weekend to every other weekend, to one day a weekend. You see where this is going.
My past relationship trauma of trust issues, the fear of losing someone, and not feeling wanted started to seep in. I started to become needy and the more needy I became, the more Zach pulled away. I knew I was losing him. It was a terrible feeling. The first time we broke up was on Valentine’s Day. Any other day of the year would have been bad, but this was the worst. We had moved too fast. We both had issues that we hadn’t addressed within ourselves and until we did, we wouldn’t know what we truly wanted. Of course, we didn’t come to that realization for a whole year and a half. A year and a half of breaking up and getting back together, of cheating, lying, dating other people, fighting, crying, all the bad and not much of the good.
I had been going to therapy on my own after the first few times we broke up. It helped me find who I was outside of relationships and learn how I needed to be loved, not only by someone else but by myself. Zach and I had just broken up again and I told my therapist this was the last time. God bless her, she didn’t laugh in my face. But she did say that if that was true then I needed to stay strong with that decision. And that if Zach came back again, I would tell him that if he wants to be with me, he has to go to therapy or let me go. I did just that and Zach agreed to therapy. We started doing couples therapy that week. Was it easy? No. Was our relationship magically fixed? No. We had a long road ahead of us. We had to both want the relationship and work at it every day. That was a huge turning point for us. We put in the work and we came out of it stronger than ever before.
That wasn’t the happy ending. It was a new beginning. The true beginning of our relationship. What followed were some really wonderful years. We moved in together. We shared lots of memorable moments. We made a life together. We fell in love for real and discovered that we were best friends. But there was still one cloud hanging over our heads. Early on in our relationship Zach had made it clear that he didn’t want to get married or have children, and I made it clear that I did. With everything else we had gotten through together I think we both were hoping the other would eventually change their mind. The truth is we were happy. Don’t rock the boat, right? Well with my 30th birthday approaching I needed to know if things had changed. I still wanted to get married and have a family some day and I couldn’t hold out that many more years if Zach didn’t want the same things. So I rocked the boat and the answer wasn’t what I hoped for. He still didn’t want them. I was faced with a decision; Do I stay and not get what I want? Do I give him an ultimatum? Or do I leave and hope we both get what we want?
So I left. It was the hardest decision I ever made. Zach and I cried together for hours, until I couldn’t anymore. I packed a couple of small bags up and my sister picked me up to take me home to my parents’ house. Leaving someone you love is extremely difficult especially when it is only because you want them to be happy. Now you’re reading this thinking “wait a second, didn’t you guys just get married?”. You would be right. We did. That one week apart from each other changed everything. Zach realized that fear was holding him back. He did want the same things, but he was scared. The thought of losing me forever changed that for him. We were engaged a few months later. Then on September 25, 2020, we got to celebrate our long-fought-for love in front of our family and friends. People who knew the struggles that we faced to get to this point and people who didn’t, listening to our honest, emotional vows to each other promising forever. Truly the best day of my life.
If I can hope to inspire anything from this love story it is to never give up on love. Your love story is right around the corner. It might not be perfect, but the right love never really is. It is messy, it is hard, and it is completely worth it. I would choose Zach over and over again, because I think I knew from the moment I met him that he was the one.
